Let us begin with definitions. However, the concept at hand is abstract and in need of clarity first. But don’t worry; by the end of this piece, we will frame the discussion with a fresh, tangible example. So, stay with me until the end! 😊
Shall we dive in?
What is the Shadow?
The shadow refers to everything about ourselves that we cannot see or know, a psychological term that essentially defines aspects of our personality hidden from our conscious awareness.
Anything within us that we cannot see is relegated to the subconscious and becomes a part of our shadow.
The shadow may include negative emotions and impulses, such as anger, jealousy, greed, selfishness, desire, and a thirst for power. However, it can also contain positive traits like intelligence, courage, and kindness.
Everything we deny about ourselves—what we perceive as base, vile, or unacceptable—becomes a part of our shadow.
Our egos learn to reject certain qualities, sweeping them “under the rug,” so to speak. To use a metaphor of an invisible box: a child places all these unwanted parts into this invisible box and keeps it tucked away under their bed until adulthood.
Anything inconsistent with the conscious attitude we choose about ourselves is pushed into this “dark side.” As you will soon discover through shadow work (coming up shortly!), there are quite a few such traits and qualities.
The challenge lies in our conscious mind convincing us that we already know ourselves. It denies the very existence of the shadow. And yet, numerous studies suggest otherwise.
According to neuroscience, over 90% of our behaviors are unconscious. Some sources claim this figure could be as high as 99%.
You’ve likely heard of the iceberg metaphor. In the context of the shadow and human behavior, it holds true. We are aware of what’s above the waterline, but not what lies beneath. The majority of what happens occurs outside our conscious awareness. What we identify with and believe we know is but a fraction of what lies hidden.
With our conscious mind, we assume we know every aspect of our personality. We believe that how we define ourselves is who we truly are. However, the truth is that without delving into our shadow self, we only know a small percentage of who we are.
As I mentioned earlier, the shadow encompasses everything we cannot see or know about ourselves. It also includes thoughts, attitudes, impulses, emotions, motivations, and behaviors we have repressed or distanced ourselves from—those we have disowned about our personality.
Understanding our shadow is difficult because, by the time we begin this journey, we have already constructed an identity. This self-identity, known as the ego, is equipped with defense mechanisms designed to preserve itself. Discovering the shadow means questioning this established identity to its very core.
To ease this journey of shadow integration, it helps to understand the nature of these defense mechanisms and why we resist confronting our shadow.
How Does the Individual Shadow Form?
Let’s briefly explore how the shadow forms at an individual level.
Every child is like an open door or an energetic sponge. Children absorb and internalize the emotional energies, attitudes, and behavioral patterns of those around them. While children recognize kindness, love, and generosity, they also notice and register anger, selfishness, competition, and greed.
Thus, shadows are largely shaped by our parents, just as theirs were shaped by their own parents. And since most parents are unaware of their own shadows, they unintentionally contribute to the formation of ours.
Many believe that behaviors are learned through words—by being told what is right or wrong. However, this is not true. The reality is that we primarily learn behaviors through observation.
Another critical factor is that, as children, we rely on our parents for survival. This dependency makes us seek their approval.
Through their expressions and demeanor, we quickly learn which attitudes and behaviors are acceptable and which are not.
Over time, we begin to push the unacceptable parts of ourselves into our personal shadow. Without doing so, we risk losing their approval.
Essentially, as our brain develops, so does our shadow. By early adulthood, we have fully separated from our shadow and formed a conscious personality.
Most of our adult lives are spent running from our shadows—until we start examining what’s really happening. This exploration happens through shadow work.
How Does the Shadow Form Socially and Culturally?
In addition to the personal shadow, there is a social and cultural aspect to its formation, largely influenced by the process of “civilization.”
This civilizing process helps us adapt to the society and culture we are born into. Society has unspoken rules about what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
For instance, shouting or hitting someone is generally deemed unacceptable in most societies. However, compare this to survival-driven displays of power in underprivileged or conflict-ridden areas, where such behaviors may be normalized.
The civilizing process is vital for maintaining order in large, complex human groups. However, it often comes at a significant psychological cost.
Adapting to social norms tends to make us insincere and disconnected because, in becoming civilized, we often stray far from our instincts and true emotions. The worst part is that we are usually unaware of this disconnection.
By integrating our shadow, we can rediscover our naturalness, authenticity, spontaneity, and instincts. While this doesn’t mean harming others, it does mean asserting our rights without compromising our values.
This is akin to the process highlighted in Joseph Campbell’s The Hero’s Journey. He found that every ancient culture and tradition has a story about a hero who embarks on a journey. This journey begins in the ordinary world but soon transitions into a special world.
The ordinary world represents the traditional realm shaped by the civilizing process. The special world, however, leads to what Carl Jung refers to as individuation—our path to selfhood.
This path requires leaving the traditional world and stepping into a unique, unconventional realm where the usual rules do not apply.
The Path Without a Path
The traditional path is clear and well-marked. You simply follow the signs and do what others do.
The new path, however, is far less defined. At times, it is visible, but rarely marked, and there is no one to ask for directions. Campbell aptly calls this “the path without a path.”
Thus, most people default to the traditional route.
But this unconventional journey leads to the SELF. The key to this path lies in discovering and embracing your shadows.
I hope this example has illuminated the concept further. Feel free to reach out with your questions and thoughts. My shadow and I eagerly await your insights. 😊
Let us bring our shadows into the light…
With Infinite Love,
Nihal
